Dear Tracee Ellis Ross,
After re reading your May 2020 cover story article in PORTER Magazine, I’m not yet ready to be done with it. As I slowly scroll back up to the top of the page, I take a closer look at the photos. The neon dress is just so gorgeous and so Tracee. I love how all the shots are outside with you basking in what looks like the setting sun. The series of you twirling in the pink silk dress reminds me of how I feel whenever the sun touches my skin. How do you make a shapeless black dress almost covering your entire face look like art? And the yellow?! Oh the backless yellow! Swoon.
I finally get back to the top of the page.
SUPREME BEING. Curly wispies flying out of the ponytail. Ultra focus on you, blurred background. Right hand. Simple ring on the middle finger. Left hand. The same. I stare at the shot a little longer. I think about your siblings mentioned in the article.
“She’s the only one,” it clicks! You’re the only one of your siblings unmarried and without children. ME TOO!
I’ve looked up to you for a long time. Since the UPN days. I’ve admired and sought to emulate the character traits I’ve seen you exhibit throughout the evolution of your career. Your authenticity, transparency, and relentless pursuit of joy in particular have touched my life. So, because of my long-time admiration, I already felt inspired by and connected to your journey. But this too? There’s no denying it. We’re the single siblings!
Immediately, I wonder what it’s like for you. What does being the single sibling look like in your family? We see glimpses of your great love for your nieces and nephews on social media, but the real ins and outs of sibling relationships and navigating differences in life paths can be challenging. I would know.
My older brother just celebrated his fifth wedding anniversary and has two daughters. My younger brother has been married for almost two years and has a daughter. I love my nieces more than I could have ever imagined I would. My relationships with my sisters-in-law have grown and evolved, and for that, I am grateful. I remain the single sibling and honestly, there doesn’t seem to be much pressure on me to change it. (My parents are grandparents now, so I’m off the hook?)
I guess the reason this similarity between us jumped out so viscerally is I’m at a moment in my life where being the single sibling means a lot of things. It means I have a different kind of freedom than my brothers. It means that freedom will not always be understood (including by me). It means choosing myself and my purpose over the hopes, dreams, and expectations projected on to me. It means a lot of assumptions about my time, availability, and capacity (shout out to learning boundaries). It means exactly what you said: “People misinterpret being happily single as not wanting to be in a relationship.” It means 5th wheeling. It also means taking care of no one but myself during this prolonged quarantine. And even before this, it meant and still means fewer hugs from the littles and more FaceTime calls.
This last year has forced me into some difficult corners where I’ve had to face the truth about the life I want to live and really examine who I am personally, relationally, creatively, professionally, etc. So, this revelation felt right on time and like the sort of representation I never knew I needed. Seeing you live, thrive, and flourish—going after your biggest dream and facing your most daunting fear—as the single sibling is super powerful.
Without insight into the intricacies of your life and relationships, I imagine the choice to "dream of [your] life" and intentionally "curate happiness" has probably pulled you away from some hard-to-miss moments as Auntie Tracee. I also imagine it has somehow also put you in the running for the best Auntie award. Duality.
I would be lying to you if I said I haven’t thought to myself, “oh the girls could come spend summers here with me!” Or wherever life takes me. The cost of chasing my biggest dreams and facing my most daunting fears can sometimes be precious moments with family. I think I’m still negotiating with myself whether or not I’m willing to pay said price, but having a visible example to emulate helps.
Like everything else I admire about you (approach to wellness, FASHION, willingness to laugh and be silly, that intensive conditioner), the fruit of your choices gives me permission to try my hand at something new knowing that what serves me ultimately serves those I care about.
Thanks for unintentionally, but boldly, rocking out for the single siblings.
Joy,
Jennifer Eliezer
Cover photo: Olivia Malone via net-a-porter.com
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